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A Domed Ski Resort in TX? Can We Call It Logan’s Run?

Am I the only person in the world who is kind of excited about ski-slopes in Grand Prairie?

Have you heard about this? It’s a $215 million dollar project called The Grand Alps Resort which promises year-round skiing and a Hard Rock Hotel next door. Here’s a link to the most recent story in the Dallas Morning News:

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/metro/20141230-vote-on-grand-prairie-indoor-ski-resort-coming-as-soon-as-january.ece

There are already TONS complaints about this proposed resort, some more coherent than others. Some people are worried about the impact it would have on the environment and the lost funds if it fails, but most people just seem to think it’s a stupid idea.

I discussed it with my daughters over breakfast this morning and they were PUMPED. They, of course, are HUGE fans of The Great Wolf Lodge, which was the closest thing I could compare it to. When I explained how much energy it would waste though, they were a little less enthusiastic. My older girl was so upset at the mention of carbon-footprints and dead-polar-bears that she got up and turned off all the lights in the house.

I, on the other hand, would like to have slopes nearby because dammit, I need to learn how to ski.

Yes, I’m a full-grown woman and I still don’t know how. Even worse, I’ve tried it 4 different times and STILL haven’t figure it out. The level of UNcoordination required for this is really unimaginable.

The first time I tried I was 10-years-old and had to be carried off my very first slope. I was told to fall if I didn’t know how to stop so that’s what I did. No one said I was supposed to fall gracefully or in a certain way so I just fell spectacularly, the way I usually did. They had to get the little stretcher to carry me off while my Mom muttered “It’s supposed to be EASY when they’re young.”

My DAD tried to teach me the second time I went skiing, which is weird because he’s never skiied a day in his life. In fact, he was wearing cowboy boots through our entire “lesson” and eventually gave up when he saw I was a lost cause.

The next time I hit a slope, it wasn’t by choice. I was a member of the Radio Station Snowboarding Team in Albuquerque, New Mexico which might be the most absurd statement ever made about my life. We teamed up with a local ski-shop that provided all of our clothes, boards and gear which was the fun part. Then we had to actually LEARN how to do it.

I remember the day my team uniform showed up because it was too small. The pants were so tight that they wouldn’t close and the top was short enough to make sure everyone could tell. I had to learn how to snowboard with one of my male co-workers who OF COURSE picked it up in a matter of minutes. He spent the rest of the time throwing snowballs at my butt, which was on prominent display during my many faceplants.

The next time I went snowboarding, I went alone. I figured I had the basics down and that a little practice would fill in the gaps. The one thing I HADN’T figured out though was the ski-lift. I would glide off at the top of the lift then fall over into a pathetic heap. There I would flop around, trying DESPERATELY to stand up, while other skiiers would coast past and pretend they didn’t see me. That was the worst part. It might have been bearable if they had laughed and taunted me but I was so bad off, they pretended NOT to see me.

I abandoned snow-sports altogether after that.

But now I’m watching as my own daughters get older and older. Soon they will pass that age where it’s supposedly EASY to learn how to ski and what will happen then? I don’t want my own girls to suffer the humiliation I’ve been through but how do I teach them? Do I REALLY spend an entire vacation and thousands of dollars to take a ski trip? Or do we just drive to Grand Prairie & hit the slopes after a trip through the Ripley’s Believe It or Not Wax Museum?

That’s why I’m rooting for this proposed ski facility in Grand Prairie. Dead-baby-polar-bears and shady-foriegn-investors be damned! If not, my own daughters might end up flopping around on a ski-slope JUST LIKE THEY’RE MOTHER and believe me. We can’t have that.

 

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