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BLOG: “Hello, 911? It’s Me…Again.”

There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who have never called 911 and those who can dial it with one thumb, without looking, in the dark and while driving in high-speed-reverse.

I am the latter.

I call 911 so much that I imagine the operator leans back in her chair and yells out, “IT’S THAT CRAZY BITCH IN EAST DALLAS AGAIN.”

I’ve called for serious incidents of course, like the time a woman was mugged right in front of me or the time a man in a ski-mask was running down our street with a sack over his shoulder. (He looked like a scary Santa!)  Or the MULTIPLE times I saw an elderly man standing near our daughters’ preschool with his penis hanging out of his pants. I HATED that guy and he got away every time. How is that possible? I mean, he shuffled around like a drunk penguin!

There was another time though, when a cop actually laughed at me.

It was 4am and I was driving to work when I saw a man in our alley. I didn’t notice him until I was already on the street but there he was, sitting on his bike at the foot of our driveway. It was dark so I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he was looking right at me. We both sat there, completely still, trying to figure out what the next move was.

My next move obviously, was to freak-the-f*** out. Then I called 911 and hysterically told them about the man in my driveway. They tried to get a desciption but it was too dark to tell them much of anything. He probably didn’t have a face anyhow since he was most likely a minion from Hell sent to destroy me and my family. I called my husband in a panic but he did not share my sense of urgency. He calmly asked if I had locked the doors and turned on the alarm. Then he went back to sleep.

I was driving loops around my neighborhood, afraid to leave but even more afraid to go back, when the police returned my call.

“Ma’am, we found your perpetrator,” he said, in what I imagine is his most serious-cop-voice.

Then he started laughing.

“It’s just a little old man! He said he’s sorry and that he didn’t mean to scare you. Just taking a morning ride when you came across each other. That’s all!”

I’ve seen this guy riding his bike through the neighborhood several times before. He always smiles and waves and I imagine that everyone who encounters him thinks, “I hope I’m like THAT when I’m old!”

And I tried to have him arrested.

I apologized, drove on to work and felt like a complete dick for the rest of the day.

I’ve thought about it several times as the years have passed though and wondered, what exactly WAS he doing there?

I know he liked to ride his bike but why was he in the alley, PARKED by my driveway at 4 o’clock in the morning? Sure he’s an old man but would it have been viewed the same if he was 30 years younger? Also, when EXACTLY does a pervert stop being a pervert or a Peeping Tom get old enough to become a cute-old-man?

More importantly, do you think it’s too late for me to call 911 on him again?

2 Comments

  1. When are you coming back to morning radio? Those freakin idiots at 103.7 have totally messed up my mornings! I started with you and Jagger on the Edge when I moved to Dallas in 2000. I was so happy to hear you on Jack FM and elated to have you full time on 103.7. I do not understand why they changed things up and I CAN NOT STAND that British guy Christopher. But, what do I know. I’m just a 5th grade teacher and a loyal listener…to you, not to 103.7 anymore! Keep Blogging…I’ll take my Julie-humor where I can get it. Thanks. Hugs!

    1. Wow, THANK YOU JAIME! I gotta tell you, I open up this page every day & have to clean out dozens of spam comments so when I see a REAL one (and an AWESOME one at that) it just makes my day. Radio is a fickle business and even I don’t fully understand everything that goes on in this market. Just know that everything happens for a reason and I’m actually REALLY enjoying this time with my family. I also really like writing and messing around with the website so THANK YOU for reading it! Also, thank you for supporting me over the years. I’ll never be express to you what that means to me. It’s almost like I have family out there that I haven’t met yet.
      Thanks for making my day Jaime!

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