You won’t hear from me much this week because we are finally moving into our new house. The actual Move-In-Day isn’t until Saturday but I’m already moving stuff, one carload at a time. It’s a horribly inefficient use of my time but I don’t really care. I simply HATE moving and want to get it over with.

I started a career in radio 25 years ago and have lived in 4 different states during that time. I have also lived in multiple homes in each state, which means I have moved 9 times since college. When we move out of temporary housing this weekend, it will be the second time I’ve moved in the past 7 months.

The moves haven’t always gone smoothly either. My family helped me move to Charleston, South Carolina but when I got a better job in Georgia 3 months later they said, “You’re on your own!” I made the move alone but paid a stranger from the parking lot $20 to help move my sofa. I’d HOPED he would stay and assist with the rest but he took my money and bolted. I ended up throwing my mattress over the balcony that day.

When I got my next job in Albuquerque, New Mexico I drove for 3 straight days in an unairconditioned car. It was mid-July and my cat Brer sat in his carrier next to me the whole way. I lived in a Doubletree for 4 weeks after arriving because I couldn’t find affordable housing. See, I hadn’t considered the GIANT cost-of-living increase so the modest raise I’d gotten didn’t cover the basics. The Doubletree folks were nice and let me keep my cat there, but they wouldn’t clean my room because they worried he would run out. Brer did this on a regular basis and once even jumped in an elevator with some surprised tourists. The lack of housekeeping meant that my room went uncleaned for a solid month and YES, I had a litter-box in there. I couldn’t even open a window, but the nightly warm cookies were nice.

When I moved from Albuquerque to Dallas, I had horrible visions of throwing a mattress over my balcony, so I asked everyone I knew for help. Approximately 20 people showed up that day and my Mom even flew out to make the drive with me. We loaded up the U-Haul and hit the highway with my car towed behind us. It was a problem-free trip until we stopped in Amarillo for gas. I wasn’t paying attention when I pulled in but Mom started screaming, “You’re too close. TOO CLOSE! TOO CLOSE!!!

I rolled my eyes at her but then I saw what the problem was. The U-Haul had plenty of room but there was no way to navigate the car I was towing away from the gas pumps. I gassed up and then began the painful process of backing up and pulling forward, TRYING to inch away from the pumps. I did all of this while Mom glared at me. Finally a truck driver took pity and offered to move the truck and trailer FOR us, which he did in one deft move. Mom and I didn’t speak for 3 hours.

That is why I plan to die in this next house. Not any time soon, of course, but I’m sure as hell NOT moving again. I can’t take another round of boxes and moving trucks and pleas for help. So I’m loading up the car with bridesmaids dresses, wrapping paper and Halloween decorations. Then I’m going to drop it off and come back for more. If I take a little bit at a time, maybe it won’t seem as awful as it has in the past. And how are we planning to move the big stuff, you ask? Speaking of which…what ARE you doing this weekend?