We got the keys to our new house yesterday. We’re having some work done on it and the actual move-in date is weeks away but we had a celebratory toast in the empty kitchen last night. I still can’t believe it’s really happening.
See, we put our old house on the market a year ago but honestly, this move has been in the works for 7 years. We never intended to stay in Texas and discussed moving to Chicago, Atlanta, and even Denver a few times. The Chicago move almost happened but every time we got close to pulling the trigger, we chickened out. There was one long roadtrip where my husband and I finally decided that we were never leaving Texas. We kept finding jobs and friends and before we knew it, our roots had grown snug and deep. Plus, our daughters had no desire to leave whatsoever. They are both native Texans who can tell you what the state bird, flower, even what the state PIE is. Just the other night, Lucy sang all of “Deep In The Heart of Texas” to us, claps included. I had no idea that song had more than one verse.
So we searched all over North Texas and after months of worry, we found a house. Actually, we found a great house. I walked through it last night and realized how much I already love it. I looked in each room and envisioned the sleep-overs and holidays and right where we’ll take the prom pictures when the day comes. But, because I’m a First Class Debbie Downer, I also thought about the bad things that would happen in this house. What dark times would these walls see? What bad news would we receive while we lived here and how would we handle it? Then I remembered something my doctor said just days before he delivered my first baby.
I was having an anxiety attack in his office when I blurted out, “But, what’s going to HAPPEN?”
Somehow he knew I wasn’t asking what would happen in the delivery room. I was staring at a blank page that was MY LIFE at that moment and I wanted to know what on EARTH would happen next. He took my hands and gently said, “Whatever happens, it’s going to be wonderful. Even when it isn’t wonderful, it’s still wonderful.”
It sounds like jibberish but he was right. Since then, I have lived through horrible loss but I have also experienced some of the greatest joys of my life. Even in my darkest hours, there has always been love and that really IS wonderful.
My Moment of Zen was interrupted then by my husband, who was yelling at my daughter. He had accidentally kicked over her celebratory milkshake and was mad at her for leaving it where it COULD be kicked over. Then I noticed that my other daughter was making carpet-angels dangerously close to my glass of wine. That’s red wine next to white carpet angels.
See? This is why we can’t have nice things.
Let’s be honest though. The house is new and perfect right now but it’s just a matter of time before someone (probably me) spills or breaks something in it. It’s bound to happen. When that day comes, someone will just have to remind my husband that SURE it’s a pain, but it’s also part of the WONDERFUL tapestry that is our life. Right? In fact, why don’t YOU tell him for me? It will sound much better if it comes from YOU.