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Jessie & the Haunted Schnitzel

If you don’t know Jessie Jessup from 102.1 The Edge, you’ve either been living in a cave or you’re an avid country music fan. She has been the Afternoon Drive Queen at the Edge for 15 years now, which is like a lifetime for radio DJs. One of the things that makes Jessie so awesome is that she doesn’t disappoint when you meet her in person. Most radio DJs are pretty boring, average people when you see them in public. I can say that because I was a radio DJ and was told on multiple occasions, “Ew, you don’t look ANYTHING like I imagined. You’re just…YOU.”

Thanks asshole. Continue reading →

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CITY HIKES: Cedar Ridge Preserve

One of my 2015 New Year’s Resolutions was to exercise outside more often and one of my FAVORITE outdoor activities is hiking. Unfortunately, living in the city doesn’t afford many hiking options. At least, that’s what I THOUGHT until I searched “Hiking in DFW” and found loads of trails that I’d never even heard of. I decided to try these trails and blog about what I find, at least until it gets too hot to do anything outside. (Honestly, I’m also scouting a location for my daughters birthday because she decided she wants a “Bigfoot Party.” Speaking of which, does anyone have a gorilla suit & a tall man I can borrow?) Continue reading →

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The Awkward In-Between Phase: Adult Edition

The last time I saw my hairdresser, he said that my hair was in an “in-between phase.” That was 6-weeks ago so my hair has officially entered the “AWKWARD In-Between Phase.” Even worse, I forgot to make my next appointment and my hairdresser isn’t available for 6 MORE weeks. That should explain my Something-Akin-to-a-Wookie look the next time you see me.

I was trying to pull my hair into tiny pig-tails recently when I realized that my entire LIFE is in an Awkward In-Between Phase. Continue reading →

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KIDDO THE CAT: You Mean Da Plane ISN’T a Band Made Up Of Little People?

I live in a house of lies.

My husband tells me lies all the time, just for the hell of it. Then he forgets that he told me these lies and I tell them to everyone else and insist they are true.

He told me that Spike Jones directed all of the “Roaming Gnome” commercials and that Brendan Fraser was going to star in a remake of “Blue Lagoon.” (That was during the height of my Brendan-Fraser-Crush-Years.) He also told me that there was a cover-band made up entirely of little people called “Da Plane,” then forgot to tell me it was a joke. Of course, I told EVERYONE I knew. Just last night he told me that there are bars in China filled with cats so people can have a cocktail after work and pet a cat. They feature tuna fish entrees and lots of whipped cream so the cats won’t run off. I have no idea if that one is true but it caused me to tell my own story.

I’d just read an article about a pilot in the early 1900’s who liked to fly with his cat, named Kiddo. Continue reading →

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SNOWBALL: Zombie Hamster

Our hamster Snowball is sick.

It all started about 6 months ago when my daughter Emma noticed something inside Snowball’s ear. I didn’t think it was serious until it got so big that it was growing OUTSIDE of Snowball’s ear as well. That’s when I took her to the vet.

Yes, that’s right. I took a hamster to the vet which is an endeavor in itself since NO ONE treats hamsters. We found the only place in Dallas that would see her and that’s where they determined she has cancer. Hamster Cancer, believe it or not, is quite common and is the #3 killer of hamsters, right behind:

#1- Other Housepets and

#2- Neglectful Children Continue reading →

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Body Image Lessons From A Hypocrite

My oldest daughter is 9 so we’ve had many You-and-Your-Body discussions lately. I get a bit squirrely about some of her questions so, being the big chicken that I am, I bought her a book.

It’s called “The Care & Keeping of You,” and believe it or not it’s from the American Girl Doll people. My friends kept raving about it so I grabbed it and now I see why. It covers everything from how to floss to how to use a tampon. Prepare yourself for that last one because it’s pretty graphic. That particular diagram led my daughter and I to our most recent BODY conversation. Continue reading →

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MADEWELL: Trade Your Old Jeans in For New Jeans (that fit better!)

I felt pretty stupid the first time I walked into Madewell because everyone there seemed about 20 years younger than me. I took a cursory look around and then ran the hell out because I was worried my dentures would fall out or my Depends would start leaking. I went BACK though, on a Tuesday at 10am when no one was there and I found my favorite store in the world. Continue reading →

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Lucy-isms Vol. 1- WHAT Did She Just Say?

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I think my youngest daughter Lucy might be an alien. Ever since she was old enough to speak, she has said the strangest things. Take, for instance, the picture above. Lucy made that for Thanksgiving in Kindergarten. I don’t know what it’s supposed to be but it is, at once, awesome and terrifying.

Let me be clear. Lucy is a very smart girl and she gets good grades. Her brain just works differently than most. I realized this when she was about 3 and her sister asked what we were having for dinner. Lucy said, “We’re having hot dogs, Pull-Ups and Chicken Chokes.” Continue reading →

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How to Make a Kid Shut Up

There’s a horrible reality about parenting. Sometimes we wish our kids would just shut the hell up.

A child who has your attention will talk continuously and it’s usually about something like “My Little Pony” or Minecraft. You, as a loving parent (who wants to keep future therapy bills to a minimum) will smile and nod and do your best to keep up. Yes, because a child who is telling you A VERY IMPORTANT STORY will stop occasionally to make sure you are listening so you can’t zone out and make a mental list of shoes you’d like to buy. That’s why you listen and keep listening until you can distract the child long enough to escape the room.

I have found a way to stop all of that. Continue reading →

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Open Letter to My Friend Who’s Turning 40

I am so excited about celebrating your 40th Birthday this weekend, but I know you have mixed emotions. Crossing over from your 30s into your 40s isn’t exactly FUN. Believe me, anyone who says they’re excited about it is secretly crying into a bottle of vodka. There ARE some good things about turning 40 though and I would know. I’ve been in my 40s so long that I’m already mentally-preparing for my 50s, so here’s my birthday present to you. It’s a brief list of the things you actually have to look forward to when you turn 40. Continue reading →