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3 Comments

Road Trip of Paranoia

I’m extremely paranoid. I’m not joking around here. If I talked to a doctor and told him/her EVERY paranoid thought that crosses my mind in a single day they would probably try to medicate me.

I get especially paranoid during road trips when I have to spend the night at a hotel. This comes from years of traveling alone & all the WEIRDNESS I’ve experienced at my roadside stops. I found syringes under my bed once and then there was the guy who got stabbed to death in the parking lot. There was also that one time someone tried desperately to open the door to my room. I was standing naked in front of the TV, brushing my teeth when that started.

Traveling with my daughters has not helped this problem. I have, on more than one occasion, decided that we were being “cased” by someone who was going to kill my husband & I and steal our daughters.
See, I told you it was bad.
I convinced myself of this yesterday when we were traveling home from our Christmas vacation. I won’t go into the specifics because it would make you see just how truly insane I am, but I thought the 2 men I kept seeing at our hotel were following us. I decided they were probably working with the girl at the front desk & would split the money once they sold my kids to some creepy old man.
Now, I didn’t tell my husband any of this because I know how crazy it sounds. That is the ONE good thing about my clinical paranoia: I KNOW I’m insane. That’s why I kept it all to myself but I still locked the door & bolted it. I also pushed a chair close to my bed so I could throw it at the guys when they knocked down our door. It was also a place to keep the various glasses I would throw at them & my phone, to call 911 of course.
I planned to stay awake most of the night to protect my family from a danger they weren’t aware of, but I drank 2 bourbons & fell fast asleep.
My husband was already up when I woke the next morning. I’d slept like a baby & through the whole night, which is uncommon for me. I lounged in bed for a moment with no memories of the prior days panic, until my husband noticed to door to the adjoining room.
“Wow, this thing doesn’t lock! It was sitting open all night long. Well, it’s a good thing nobody wanted to get in here.”
Somehow, during my freaked-out-planning-phase I had completely neglected that ONE GIANT DOOR. The door that didn’t bolt properly so the child-thieves would only need one finger to push it open & cause their mayhem.
So now I have to wonder, what’s the point of being THIS paranoid if I still have to be really stupid?

 

3 Comments

  1. I, on the other hand, have come to the realization that I read way too many thrillers. How, you ask, did I reach this conclusion? One night I was in my laundry room folding clothes fresh from the dryer. I was gazing out the window, across my backyard and my gaze fell on a two story house that’s currently vacant on the next street over. I instantly visualized someone resting a rifle on one of the window sills and taking aim at my head framed in the window. I turned the light out, grabbed the remainder of the clean laundry and finished folding it in my bedroom. I now only do laundry during daylight hours…you know…just in case…

  2. This is me… exactly me. I am currently going for a road trip later this morning (its 4:30am) and i can’t sleep due to excessive stress and anxiety about going. It’s crazy! I think everything is going to kill me or people close to me when I travel .. or someone is following me etc. I get so worried that I literally leave this world and get consumed by your horrible thoughts. 🙁 It’s not fair .. I hate this. 🙁 Have you figured out how to deal with it?

    1. If your stress rises to a level where you can’t relax and enjoy the trip itself, I would definitely talk to a therapist about it. They can help you find the root of your anxiety and give you tricks to thwart it. One taught me the simple act of seeking out the color blue when I start to feel anxious. Sounds silly but a distraction like that actually helps! I’ve also realized through traveling that those FEARS are in my head. I feel them so strongly that I convince myself it’s intuition and NOT just anxiety. I like this Thomas Jefferson quote: “How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened?” Have a safe & wonderful trip!

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