Me: The Cockroach Assassin (An Old Blog for Summer Break)

I simply can’t write during Summer Break.
I’m blaming my kids, since they’re home from school and currently draped over various pieces of furniture, staring at mind-numbing electronic devices. They would honestly let me sit at the computer all day long if it meant they could continue their non-activity but watching them sit there MAKES ME CRAZY.
Isn’t that strange? That watching someone do nothing at all could make you want to snatch that iPhone out of their hands and stomp it to death?
It’s this particular mania that has led me to countless pool-trips, friend-visits and dollars spent on Groupon, just so they’ll PUT DOWN THAT DAMNED DEVICE!
It’s also why I’m posting a very old blog from my even older Blogspot account. I can’t find the brain-space to write now so I’ll just share stuff I could write then. Enjoy!


Did you know that cockroaches are warm to the touch?
Well, I didn’t actually touch him. I just stepped on him one night in our old house. Continue reading →


Life Gets Weird at 4am

You see some freaky stuff if you drive to work before the sun comes up. I spent about 15 years of my life leaving home at 4am, so I’ve seen volumes. I’ve encountered so much weirdness that I’ve even written about it before (read that HERE), but it wasn’t until recently that I tried to catalogue it all. I was sharing notes with a friend who also keeps strange hours when it occurred to me that I should write this stuff down. After all, what’s the point of living through weird shit if you don’t share it? Continue reading →

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Why I Overdress for Everything (Alternate Title: The Time I Stopped Bathing)

I overdress for everything these days and can’t even go to the grocery store without a full face of make-up. I’m sure it looks pathetic to some but there’s a very specific reason for this.

It all started years ago, when I got my very first radio job out of college. I was living in a small town in Georgia, pulling the mid-day shift at an alternative-rock station. I was 23-years-old and lucky enough to be working with some of my best friends, who also had dreams of a broadcasting career. I had a gorgeous boyfriend who was way out of my league but he stayed with me because “Radio Chick” went a long way back then. I was happier than I had ever been, but there was one snag. See, the house I lived in had one shower, and it was impossibly clogged. Today I know that there’s an easy (but disgusting) way to fix this but back then, I just took showers in ankle-deep water. Afterwards, I had to give the tub about 48-hours to drain, which is just as disgusting as it sounds. This is probably why I stopped bathing. Continue reading →


BLOG: Got A Blast From My “WHAT WOULD JULIE DO” Past

I got a message yesterday, from someone who asked for my on-air advice years ago. See, I’ve done multiple ADVICE segments on the radio over the years, where people would write in and ask for my help. Listeners were reaching out to me for suggestions long before What Would Julie Do or Shemail ever started airing though. I’m not sure why. Maybe these people just needed to hear from an outside party, or maybe they felt like we were friends. Whatever the reason was, I LOVED hearing from listeners and helping them through tough situations. Continue reading →


BLOG: Working From Home Has Made Me Goofy/ The “Dealbreaker” Effect

There are some things I love about working from home, like wearing pajamas until 2pm and talking to myself loudly in different accents. There are a few downsides though, primarily the isolation. This isn’t usually a problem for someone like me, who functions better in peace and quiet. It HAS, however, rendered me incapable of handling public situations. Yes, thanks to all this time alone, I am straight up awkward around people now. Continue reading →

Bad Dates

BLOG: This is the Story of My Worst First Date

“Girl, I just had the Worst First Date EVER,” a girlfriend wrote to me recently, and it made me giggle. This particular friend has some of THE WORST dating stories EVER (my personal favorite is called “The Chronic Masturbator“) so this one must be insane. I haven’t heard it yet but I do think she and I have an evening of wine and story-telling in our future.

I haven’t had a first date since I met my husband 18 years ago so it’s not something I think about often. My friend’s comment, however, stirred a memory of MY Worst First Date. This one was so awful that it wasn’t even funny and when I look back on it, I wonder how close to tragedy I actually came that night. Continue reading →

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BLOG: Mom and the Panty Trick

This August 2nd will mark the 10-year-anniversary of my Mom’s death. Ten years and some days it still stings like a fresh wound.

I had some intense dreams about Mom right after she died, where we would sit together and talk about what had happened. Sometimes she was mad about having to leave so early and other times she seemed confused about where she was. Once, she even told me that she wasn’t dying after all but was pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. Those dreams scared the hell out of me because they felt so real. If I was honest, I’d admit that deep down I don’t think they WERE just dreams. That’s a little too painful to consider though. Continue reading →