Keaton, Bergen, Fonda, Steenburger
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FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “Book Club” EARLY & FOR FREE

If you’re looking for a cheap (or FREE) Mother’s Day gift for Mom, this Book Club screening might be just the thing. This movie stars Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen and Mary Steenburgen as women whose lives are changed after reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Even better, it pairs 80-year-old Jane Fonda up with 68-year-old Don Johnson! He was paired up with 25-year-old Kate Upton in the last movie I saw him in, so this is more like it! So, would you like to see Book Club EARLY and FOR FREE? Or would your Mom like to see it for Mother’s Day? The screening IS on May 13th, after all! Continue reading →

FIFTY SHADES FREED
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MOVIE REVIEW: “Fifty Shades Freed” (Thank GOD, the End is NIGH!)

A friend asked me, just yesterday, “UGGGGH, are they really still making those Fifty Shades of Grey movies?”
Yes, and UGH indeed.
See, I’ve never been been a fan of these damn things. I didn’t even finish the first book because I thought it was boring and that the sex-scenes were just slightly more titillating than men’s underwear mannequins at Macy’s. The films are a bit more fun because we have the dewy, sweet-faced Dakota Johnson as our Anastasia, but we also have the cut-directly-from-cardboard Jamie Dornan, as our Christian Grey. Sure, he has a beautiful body but the lack of charisma is daunting.
The vapid Fifty Shades story-line might have been saved if these two were ever capable of generating any real heat. No one remembers exactly what Nine and a Half Weeks was about, but certain scenes will live forever just because they were so HOT (Yes, please leave your hat on!). Dornan and Johnson’s love-scenes however, seem to cause a sex-vacuum, and often feel like you’re watching two strangers, who don’t even like each other, try to get it on. Now that I think about it, that’s exactly what we’re watching. Sure, there are stories and satellite characters and actual arcs built into this tome, but does any of it matter if the sex isn’t sexy?
These are the questions I’ve asked myself repeatedly while sitting through each of these movies. That’s one of the only downfalls of being a Film Critic (aside from all that money you aren’t making): Sometimes you have to see movies that you DON’T want to see.
Which brings me to the main point of my Fifty Shades Freed review.
I feel pretty certain that those of you who WANT to see this movie WILL see it, regardless of what I say. I sat through all 105 (thankfully brief) minutes though, so you’re getting my review anyhow. Continue reading →

Tanner Kloven, Gwen Reyes, Alanna Sarabia

Reviewing “Fifty Shades Darker” on GOOD MORNING TEXAS

There are few things that I enjoy talking about MORE than movies and smut. It’s a very special day when I get to combine the two! Even better, I got to discuss the ins and outs of Fifty Shades Darker today with some of my favorite people: Gwen Reyes from Fresh Fiction, Tanner Kloven from AMP 103.7, and the adorable Alanna Sarabia on Good Morning Texas. The conversation got a little dirty (we even made Alanna blush) but we didn’t beat around the bush with our opinions. So, should you see Fifty Shades Darker? Click HERE to watch our segment, then go ahead and buy your tickets because you KNOW you’re going to see it anyway!

fifty-shades
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Fifty Shades of Grey (And a Surprising Amount of Hair)

How you feel about the film version of “Fifty Shades of Grey” will all depend on how you felt about the books.

If you read and enjoyed them, you’ll be happy to know that the movie is actually BETTER. That’s not saying much though. I think I could have written those books after a few wine-coolers with my girlfriends back in high school. The story is ridiculous but in the hands of talented Hollywood screenwriters it becomes polished, a little humorous and the dialogue becomes slightly less hokey (but just slightly).

Voracious “Fifty Shades” readers will enjoy seeing the characters fleshed out on screen but our FAVORITE parts of the books (duh, the sex scenes) have been totally dumbed down. It’s disappointing but book-fans have the benefit of KNOWING what’s happening, even if it’s only implied onscreen. Those who have NOT read the books will be rolling their eyes and wondering when the smut is going to start. Continue reading →