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My Review of “The Huntsman: Winter’s War” (& Why I’ll Never Show It to Anyone)

Sometimes a movie is so bad, you actually leave the theater a little depressed. Other times you get 15 minutes into the film and realize you can’t watch another second without some form of alcohol in your system. If a movie does both of these things, as The Huntsman: Winter’s War did to me, it’s an extremely bad sign.

Maybe that’s why Rebekah Black and I filmed a movie review afterwards that’s so vile, SO OFFENSIVE, it will never be seen by human eyes.

It started out the usual way, with me seeking out lighting that didn’t make us look like Sea Hags. We launched our review with gripes about The Huntsman‘s almost 2-hour run time, and how alcohol made it bearable but also rendered it very easy to sleep through. Then, we just went ahead and tore into The Huntsmen for being vapid.

The pre-Snow White story of evil Queen Ravenna and her sister Freya sounds interesting enough, but the flat writing wrings any excitement out of it. You’re left with a Frozen/Maleficent hybrid, but one that is sloppy and boring. There’s also the problem of truly terrible CGI, which is reminiscent of “Zuul” from the first Ghostbusters movie. Continue reading →