FIFTY SHADES FREED
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MOVIE REVIEW: “Fifty Shades Freed” (Thank GOD, the End is NIGH!)

A friend asked me, just yesterday, “UGGGGH, are they really still making those Fifty Shades of Grey movies?”
Yes, and UGH indeed.
See, I’ve never been been a fan of these damn things. I didn’t even finish the first book because I thought it was boring and that the sex-scenes were just slightly more titillating than men’s underwear mannequins at Macy’s. The films are a bit more fun because we have the dewy, sweet-faced Dakota Johnson as our Anastasia, but we also have the cut-directly-from-cardboard Jamie Dornan, as our Christian Grey. Sure, he has a beautiful body but the lack of charisma is daunting.
The vapid Fifty Shades story-line might have been saved if these two were ever capable of generating any real heat. No one remembers exactly what Nine and a Half Weeks was about, but certain scenes will live forever just because they were so HOT (Yes, please leave your hat on!). Dornan and Johnson’s love-scenes however, seem to cause a sex-vacuum, and often feel like you’re watching two strangers, who don’t even like each other, try to get it on. Now that I think about it, that’s exactly what we’re watching. Sure, there are stories and satellite characters and actual arcs built into this tome, but does any of it matter if the sex isn’t sexy?
These are the questions I’ve asked myself repeatedly while sitting through each of these movies. That’s one of the only downfalls of being a Film Critic (aside from all that money you aren’t making): Sometimes you have to see movies that you DON’T want to see.
Which brings me to the main point of my Fifty Shades Freed review.
I feel pretty certain that those of you who WANT to see this movie WILL see it, regardless of what I say. I sat through all 105 (thankfully brief) minutes though, so you’re getting my review anyhow. Continue reading →

Tanner Kloven, Gwen Reyes, Alanna Sarabia

Reviewing “Fifty Shades Darker” on GOOD MORNING TEXAS

There are few things that I enjoy talking about MORE than movies and smut. It’s a very special day when I get to combine the two! Even better, I got to discuss the ins and outs of Fifty Shades Darker today with some of my favorite people: Gwen Reyes from Fresh Fiction, Tanner Kloven from AMP 103.7, and the adorable Alanna Sarabia on Good Morning Texas. The conversation got a little dirty (we even made Alanna blush) but we didn’t beat around the bush with our opinions. So, should you see Fifty Shades Darker? Click HERE to watch our segment, then go ahead and buy your tickets because you KNOW you’re going to see it anyway!

Dornan & Johnson

PODCAST: 3 Drunk Women Review “Fifty Shades Darker”

You can’t listen to this podcast at work. You probably shouldn’t even listen to it at home, unless you have headphones. If that’s the case, make sure you turn them down REALLY LOW.
See, I went to a Fifty Shades Darker screening with some girlfriends last night, then we got drinks and talked about it. There are no filters to this conversation. It’s simply drunk women talking loads of trash, and then eventually reviewing Fifty Shades Darker. You’ve been warned. Continue reading →