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MOVIE REVIEWS: “Ghost in the Shell” & “The Zookeeper’s Wife” (btw, they kill the animals)

Yes, I just gave away a major plot point for The Zookeeper’s Wife and you know why?
Because people get pissed when you kill the animals! Just ask John Wick. Continue reading →

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FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “The Zookeeper’s Wife” EARLY & FOR FREE

Jessica Chastain once made the mistake of responding to my tweet. She and Edgar Wright (Director of Shaun of the Dead and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World) were having a Twitter-chat when I slipped in a comment. They both cyber-chuckled, which sent me over the moon (far more excitement than any grown woman should get from celebrity tweets) AND launched my still-burning Jessica Chastain crush. She’s currently starring in The Zookeeper’s Wife, which tells the true story of Polish zookeepers who risked their lives during the German invasion to save people, as well as animals. It looks fantastic and since Jessica and I are such good friends, I’m giving away passes to see The Zookeeper’s Wife EARLY and FOR FREE! Continue reading →

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My Review of “The Huntsman: Winter’s War” (& Why I’ll Never Show It to Anyone)

Sometimes a movie is so bad, you actually leave the theater a little depressed. Other times you get 15 minutes into the film and realize you can’t watch another second without some form of alcohol in your system. If a movie does both of these things, as The Huntsman: Winter’s War did to me, it’s an extremely bad sign.

Maybe that’s why Rebekah Black and I filmed a movie review afterwards that’s so vile, SO OFFENSIVE, it will never be seen by human eyes.

It started out the usual way, with me seeking out lighting that didn’t make us look like Sea Hags. We launched our review with gripes about The Huntsman‘s almost 2-hour run time, and how alcohol made it bearable but also rendered it very easy to sleep through. Then, we just went ahead and tore into The Huntsmen for being vapid.

The pre-Snow White story of evil Queen Ravenna and her sister Freya sounds interesting enough, but the flat writing wrings any excitement out of it. You’re left with a Frozen/Maleficent hybrid, but one that is sloppy and boring. There’s also the problem of truly terrible CGI, which is reminiscent of “Zuul” from the first Ghostbusters movie. Continue reading →

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MOVIE REVIEW: “Crimson Peak” Is Packed With Surprises That Surprise No One

Crimson Peak stars Mia Wasikowska as Edith. She is a Victorian-era novelist who falls in love with a mysterious blue blood, played by Tom Hiddleston. She travels with he and his sister, Lucille (Jessica Chastain) to their dilapidated mansion, which appears to be infested with ghosts. Can Edith’s love save them from that which haunts them? Or will the terrible secrets buried within destroy them all?

Well, obviously it’s the latter. Continue reading →

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PODCAST: Talking “The Martian” with Tony Zazza & Cheree

People ask me all the time if I still talk to Tony Zazza. He’s been my on-and-off radio husband for YEARS, but not all radio teams actually LIKE each other off-the-air. I actually DO like Tony though, and have kept in touch with him since he started a new morning show in Melbourne, Florida. He’s at WA1A 107.1 and you can listen to him online by clicking HERE.
I talk to Tony all the time, giving him updates on the radio-gossip around Texas while he tells me how awesome his new co-host, Cheree is. Whatever. (She’s actually really sweet, and pretty too…dammit.) Anyhow, Tony and Cheree have had me on a few times to talk about movies lately and I LOVE IT! It’s like having drinks with your ex-husband and his new wife. Wait, no it’s not like that AT ALL. In fact, Tony recorded our chat about The Martian so you can hear for yourself. You’ll probably want to buy advance tickets to The Martian too, since it’s sure to be a big-seller and you can do that by clicking HERE.

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MOMMY-MOVIE-REVIEW: Is “The Martian” OK For My Kids?

The Martian stars Matt Damon as an astronaut who, through a series of unfortunate events, is left stranded on Mars. He has a limited amount of resources so he must use his wits and vast knowledge of science to survive. It doesn’t really sound like the makings of a best-selling book, much less a blockbuster movie, but that’s exactly what The Martian has become. It will also most likely be a contender once Oscar season kicks in and is already on the everyone’s short-list of Must See Movies. Even I gave it an A+ and called it an “instant classic,” but here’s the next question: Is The Martian okay for my kids? It IS rated PG-13 after all, so what will my children be shown while watching it, other than a man’s incredible struggle to survive?

I actually had this conversation with my daughters (ages 8 & 11) today because they are both DYING to see The Martian. There are 2 things working against parents like me though, who want to share this movie with their kids: The length and the language. Continue reading →

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PODCAST: Boozy Movies Reviews “The Martian”

It’s been AGES since Boozy Movies got together for a movie and booze but we FINALLY did for The Martian. I have a few disclaimers though, before you listen to the podcast:
1) I say, about midway through the review, “That’s how smart guys are.” I meant to say “That’s how smart ASTRONAUTS are.” No, I don’t think that all men are smart enough to stay alive on Mars. Also,
2) Rebekah laughs about the movie He Named Me Malala at the end of the review but she DIDN’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS ABOUT. I told her after we stopped recording and she said, “Now I feel like a dick.” She isn’t. She’s actually really nice but I’m going to make her see He Named Me Malala with me anyway. Here’s our review and if you hear anything else in there that offends you, it was probably intended. ENJOY!

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MOVIE REVIEWS: “Mortdecai” & “A Most Violent Year”

I should tell you right away that I didn’t see “Mortdecai” because I had absolutely no desire to. In fact, just looking at the movie-poster above makes me want to go throw a brick through a car window (preferrably Johnny Depp’s car window). I’ve been reading reviews on RottenTomatoes.com where “Mortdecai” is currently getting a 9% (certified ROTTEN), so it appears I didn’t miss much. My favorite comment so far came from Film Critic Robbie Collin, who called the movie “psychotically unfunny.” Here’s a link to his “Mortdecai” review, which I suspect is far better than the movie itself. Continue reading →