Charlize Theron

“Atomic Blonde”- A Stream of Consciousness Movie Review

Here is a collection of my thoughts while watching Charlize Theron in Atomic Blonde:

Holy CRAP, Charlize Theron looks amazing! How old is she now? Almost 42? Damn woman!
OK, so she plays Lorraine, who is an undercover MI6 agent during the Cold War. You know this because Regan is screaming for the wall to come down. Lorraine’s been in a bad fight but still looks gorgeous with her scrapes and bruises. She’s even sexy when she’s glowering. How does she do that? I look like a sea hag when I glower. Maybe I should practice in a mirror.


I’m already kind of confused but it doesn’t matter because they’re playing some classic David Bowie now, which I adore. I think this song was on the Cat People soundtrack, too.

Anyhow, Lorraine is in trouble for some reason and is being debriefed by her boss and John Goodman. They want her to find a guy named Spyglass with the help of James McAvoy, who is all buff and beefy now. He’s bald again, too. Why does James McAvoy only play bald dudes now? Wait, IS JAMES MCAVOY BALD? Nevermind, they’re playing Depeche Mode. Continue reading →

movies

FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “The Nut Job 2” & “Leap” EARLY & FOR FREE

ATTENTION ALL FULL-TIME-SUMMER PARENTS!!!
I’m speaking to those of you who have been left in charge of the ankle-biters while they are out of school. I feel your pain!
I too have visited every park, accepted every play-date and purchased every kid-appropriate option GROUPON has to offer (Wait, can we take our kids to wine-tastings?)
BUT SUMMER STILL ISN’T OVER!
What do we do with them now?
Lucky for us, I was able to wrangle up free passes to see The Nut Job 2 AND Leap!
Are they good movies?
WHO CARES? They’re FREE and they’ll keep your spawn from asking “What are we gonna do NOW” for a full ninety minutes. Heck, you might even be able to work in a little snooze while they’re watching the movie. Continue reading →

John Boyega
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FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “Detroit” EARLY & FOR FREE

I’ve got it bad for Kathryn Bigelow.
Not only did she direct and co-write two of my favorite movies (The Hurt Locker & Zero Dark Thirty), she also ran against ex-husband James Cameron for the 2010 Best Director Oscar and beat him. That has to be the greatest case of revenge EVER.
I’d get behind anything Kathryn Bigelow did but her latest movie, Detroit, looks outstanding. She has re-teamed with writing partner Mark Boal, to tell the true story of the 1967 Detroit Rebellion. Bigelow also packed the cast with powerhouses like John Boyega, Anthony Mackie, Jason Mitchell and John Krasinski. She even found a spot for Hannah Murray, whom we can all agree plays an adorable Gilly in Game of Thrones. So, want to join me at an EARLY and COMPLETELY FREE screening of Detroit? Continue reading →

Chris Nolan's DUNKIRK

FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “Dunkirk” EARLY & FOR FREE

Holy crap, I’ve got free passes to see Dunkirk!
If you don’t know why that’s something to holy crap about, then you obviously haven’t heard that Dunkirk is the latest from Writer/Director Christopher Nolan. It’s his first feature-length film since Inception (2014) and tells of the evacuation of allied forces, who were surrounded by the German army during WWII. Nolan wanted to avoid CGI as much as he could and focused on old-school effects, like placing actual naval destroyers in the water and crowding the beach with cardboard cut-outs of soldiers. He even put Spitfires on cranes and swung them around to film the dog-fights. Continue reading →

Balthazar Brat

Mommy-Movie-Review: “Despicable Me 3”- This Time, A Villain Steals the SHOW

I took my kids to see Despicable Me 3 the other night, but I had to bribe them. The girls were so disinterested in Gru and the Minions this time around that they’d only see it if I smuggled brownies into the theater (sorry AMC!). I also had plenty of things that I’d rather do that night but I had to go because I am a Film Critic and Film Critics see movies. Even the ones they don’t want to see.

Fortunately for all three of us, Despicable Me 3 is far better than expected. It has all of the things we enjoyed in the earlier pictures (great animation, a sweet family story and Minions for DAYS) but this DM3 offers something even better.

It has what is quite possibly the BEST onscreen villain I’ve seen since Goldfinger:
The Brat. Continue reading →

Wall-E

Me: The Cockroach Assassin (An Old Blog for Summer Break)

I simply can’t write during Summer Break.
I’m blaming my kids, since they’re home from school and currently draped over various pieces of furniture, staring at mind-numbing electronic devices. They would honestly let me sit at the computer all day long if it meant they could continue their non-activity but watching them sit there MAKES ME CRAZY.
Isn’t that strange? That watching someone do nothing at all could make you want to snatch that iPhone out of their hands and stomp it to death?
It’s this particular mania that has led me to countless pool-trips, friend-visits and dollars spent on Groupon, just so they’ll PUT DOWN THAT DAMNED DEVICE!
It’s also why I’m posting a very old blog from my even older Blogspot account. I can’t find the brain-space to write now so I’ll just share stuff I could write then. Enjoy!

MOTHERF**KING ROACHES

Did you know that cockroaches are warm to the touch?
Well, I didn’t actually touch him. I just stepped on him one night in our old house. Continue reading →

Tom Holland

FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “Spider-Man: Homecoming” EARLY & FOR FREE

If you aren’t excited about Spider-Man: Homecoming, it’s probably because you didn’t see his triumphant return in Captain America: Civil War. Yes, I also rolled my eyes at the thought of it, but my Spidey-apathy was abated when young Tom Holland donned that stretchy suit. Good Lord, that boy is adorable. If you missed it, click HERE to see a compilation of his Captain America: Civil War scenes. Or don’t. I mean, then you’ll just want to SEE Spider-Man:Homecoming and I simply don’t have enough free passes for EVERYONE. Continue reading →

Ferrel & Poehler
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FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “The House” EARLY & FOR FREE

Read the cast-list of The House and it looks like all of your favorite Parks and Recreation cast members AND Will Ferrel. In fact, Ferrel and Amy Poehler haven’t starred in a movie together since Blades of Glory in 2007. Seems like they should be putting something out yearly, doesn’t it? In this one, they play parents who start an illegal casino in their home to raise money for their daughter’s college tuition. Continue reading →

Popcorn
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Movies Worth Seeing Twice (and Where to Do It CHEAPLY)

If you’re anything like me, you probably take your kids to see every age-appropriate movie as soon as it opens. It started as a way to keep the offspring occupied when they were tiny handfuls, but it’s blossomed into a full-fledged love of film that I get to share with my daughters. That’s why I love it when people ask me AND MY GIRLS about new releases. I got their help when putting together this list of our Top 5 Movies Worth Seeing Twice, because sometimes you’d rather spend your money on a sure thing. Continue reading →

Transformers

FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “Transformers: The Last Knight” EARLY & FOR FREE

Before you roll your eyes and tell me the world doesn’t need another Transformers movie, do us both a favor and watch the Transformers: The Last Knight trailer below. I have no idea what the HELL is going on but it looks kind of…dare I say it…GOOD? It won’t matter either way if you get to see it EARLY and FOR FREE though, right? Continue reading →