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FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “Hotel Transylvania 2” On Me!

If you have children, you were probably forced to see Hotel Transylvania with them back in 2012. Fortunately for all of us, the Adam Sandler-Selena Gomez flick ended up being sweet and pretty darn fun to watch. This time around, Dracula has to keep his daughter and grandson from moving away from the hotel and leaving him all alone (sad-bat-face). It features the voices of great folks like Andy Samberg and Steve Buscemi again, but this time Mel Brooks joins the cast as Dracula’s Dad. That ALONE makes Hotel Transylvania 2 worth watching! Take a look at the trailer below and click HERE for your free passes. The screening is THIS UPCOMING SATURDAY so make your plans and I’ll see you there!

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BLOG: Tales From My Secret Facebook Page-Part II

I wrote a blog recently, which was essentially The Greatest Hits from the secret Facebook group I belong to. If you missed it the first time, you can find it by clicking HERE. Everyone seemed to like the blog, but it’s BIGGEST fans were definitely members of the group itself. Here are a few of their thoughts:

On the Topic of US:
– I am so embarrassed to be part of this group.
– It’s like digital scrapbooking for dirty, dirty girls.
– My husband suggested we create a sitting area in our bedroom. So I said, “for donkey sex?” of course. He said “you really have to stop being in that group.” I presume because he believes you b*tches are a bad influence. So…I guess that means no to donkey sex?
– This group is the best therapy ever.
– This blog was read 245 times yesterday. That’s an awful lot for my little website. Someone already mentioned “the next blog” too, so keep up the bullsh*t people. I’ll need more from you.

Fortunately, they did. Continue reading →

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BLOG: What I’m NOT Going to Say About 9/11

I’m not going to bore you with my 9/11 story today. Oh, I had totally planned to and even wrote half of it yesterday. I think I called it Reporting 9/11, or something equally as stupid. I was all ready to go until I drove the girls to school this morning.
They saw all the flags stuck in yards around the neighborhood and asked what was going on. I told them it was 9/11 and my youngest said, “Does that mean we get free Slurpees today?”
No baby, that’s 7-Eleven Day. Don’t judge my kid because it’s not her fault. She simply didn’t know what happened or the gravity of the whole situation. I realized at that moment that I had to explain it to her, just so she wouldn’t make that kind of mistake again.
So I told she and her sister the whole terrible story, from the first plane to the clouds of ash. They sat quietly in the back seat and listened in absolute horror. My older girl knew the story but she heard details this time that had never been shared with her before.
By the time they got out of the car, their faces were white and sad and I felt like the World’s Biggest A-Hole for telling them. Did I do the right thing? It was important to me that they understood the importance of September 11th and never confused it with getting a free Slurpee again. That said, now they KNOW everything that happened on that day. It is bound to affect them, the way it has affected us all.
So I won’t be sharing my 9/11 story here today. Once was enough. Instead, I’m going to spend 9/11 enjoying the life I have been blessed with. I’m going to eat and play and go roll around on the floor with my cats. I’m going to pick my kids up from school, take them to the pool and laugh while they jump cannonballs. I’m going to drink booze, make-out with my husband and crawl into a big, soft bed at the end of the day, but make no mistake.
I too, will never forget.

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FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “Sleeping With Other People” On Me!

This is kind of a dreadful time of year, isn’t it? Summer is OVER but it’s still hot and doesn’t feel like FALL yet. Kids are grouchy about back-to-school homework and parents are even grouchier about helping them with it. New TV shows have yet to start and though we keep seeing ads for GREAT NEW MOVIES, none of them are in theaters yet. Fortunately, that’s all about to change because I HAVE FREE MOVIE PASSES! You can see Sleeping with Other People, starring Jason Sudeikis and Alison Brie as college f-buddies who reconnect at a meeting for Sex Addicts. It’s produced by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay and is being compared to When Harry Met Sally, but with lots of racy sex scenes. Sounds like a great way to kill that pre-Fall boredom and get out of the house, right? Even better, the screening is at the Angelika in Dallas on September 23rd, so we can get drinks in the bar beforehand! Print out the pass below to get you and a buddy in for free and I’ll see you there! Just don’t touch me during those intense sex scenes or things will get really awkward.

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OUT & ABOUT on “Good Morning Texas”

I was on Good Morning Texas again Friday, talking about the fun and off-the-beaten-path events I’ve been finding around North Texas. Did you hear about the Pancake Selfie Express Truck that was in Pegasus Plaza last week? They were taking pictures of people, then scanning them onto pancakes so you could actually eat your face! I don’t know whose warped idea this was but I LOVE it!
Sadly, the Pancake Selfie Express has already left town but there are loads of other cool events you should be checking out. Here are some links to tickets if you’re interested and you can watch me on Out & About by clicking HERE: Continue reading →

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RECIPE: Benne’s Bundt Cake (So Easy Even I Didn’t Screw It Up)

My Mom always made special birthday cakes for my sister and I when we were young. Lesley got a heart-shaped strawberry cake each year while I got a layered chocolate cake that is STILL the stuff of my dreams. Somehow I grew up and did NOT become that mother. I would rather spend a pile of cash to have someone else make my kids’ cakes than risk something dry and depressing. I have tried my hand at baking several times and THAT’S how it always ends up. Here’s a shot of my last attempt at a cake Martha Stewart called “The Easiest Cake Ever.” You’re not seeing things. That 2-layer cake was about an inch tall and tasted oddly of beef stew.
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BLOG: Tales from My SECRET Facebook Page

I belong to a secret Facebook group. I’ve talked about these people before (see My Secret Shame Part 1 and Part 2) and love them all dearly, even though I’ve only met one of them in person. They allowed me into their faction because I possess a similarly filthy mind and will openly discuss matters that should really only be shared with a therapist, if even then. These secret online conversations get especially raucous on Friday nights, when we are all exhausted from a full week of working/parenting/faking it and break into the alcohol. Feeds fill up with pictures of cocktails and dicussions about people we’d like to murder, have sex with or both. One woman snaps secret photos of her father-in-law’s feet and posts them, so we can all discuss exactly what the hell is going on there.

Is he turning into a werewolf? Or maybe a centaur?
Is he turning into a werewolf? Or maybe a centaur?
Continue reading →

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RAVES: “Aftershock London” at The Galleria Mall

I was on Good Morning Texas Friday for an “Out & About” segment and I’ve gotten loads of feedback about it. NOT because of how awesome I was, because that apparently wasn’t the case. No, everyone has been asking me about the dress I was wearing, which came from Aftershock London. I was introduced this store when they generously offered to outfit me for some big events this month. I went to Aftershock London to try on dresses and seriously felt like Cinderella hanging with her Fairy Godmother, but without the tragic backstory. Continue reading →

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BLOG: It’s Time to Stop Mom Bashing

It’s Back-to-School time and all the Mom-Bloggers out there (me included) have been busily voicing our complaints (I personally can’t decide which I hate more: magazine sales or SignUp Genius). I’ve noticed an unsettling trend though, of Moms bashing Moms and even worse, other Moms joyfully joining in.

Look, we don’t need to beat each other up. Believe me, the WORLD loves bagging on us as it is. Haven’t you noticed that? Look around and you’ll see that “Moms” in the media are lumped into 2 categories: The Alpha-Mom Who Overdoes It and Annoys Everyone and The Cool Mom Who Essentially HATES Motherhood. It’s funny because I don’t know ANY Moms who are like this. Most of us just drift back and forth between the two cateogries, feeling various degrees of JOY and LOATHING along the way.

I’m annoyed by the way we’re depicted but I also don’t really care because being a Mom is a day-to-day thing. You don’t really GET it until you’re DOING it. Well, I do remember one time when I DID care. I was listening to a female DJ who said she could no longer like a certain band because “the soccer Moms had started loving them.” I just stared at my radio and screamed, “F**k YOU, Jenny Eliscu!” Otherwise, I didn’t care about mom bashing, until I started to see it in Mom Blogs. Continue reading →

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BLOG: ELPO’s “Clear the Shelter Month” Comes to a Close

I wrote a blog at the beginning of August about the East Lake Pet Orphanage and how they’d be waving adoption fees all month long. You can find the story HERE if you missed it the first time. Clear the Shelters DAY happened nationwide August 15th and helped over 6,000 animals find homes in North Texas alone. In fact, by the end of that day 11 local shelters were completely EMPTY! The East Lake Pet Orphanage is by no means empty now, but some of my favorite animals did find homes that day (congrats to Ozzie, Lefty and Tinkerbell! I miss you!). The month is almost over but the East Lake Pet Orphanage will keep waiving adoption fees (there is a $25 charge for microchipping) through this Monday and some really great animals still need homes. I made a few videos with my friend Roderick the other day, so everyone could see how wonderful these little guys are. I work with the kitties in the Cat Care Center but there are still plenty of sweet doggies (and a bunny!) who need homes too. Check out these videos and share them with anyone who might be in the market for a little buddy. Continue reading →