Pickles

PUT THAT THING AWAY: A Tale of Unwanted Pickles

It’s come to my attention that my daughters occasionally read my blogs. While I don’t relish the idea of them seeing this particular story, I think it’s an important one to share. See, women don’t often talk about the unwanted junk they’ve been flashed in their lives. It happens with far more regularity than I think the world is aware of, though. Maybe it’s time we shared these stories, even though they’re gross. That’s why I’ll be referring to penises as “pickles” from here on out. For the sake of my girls.
The first Unwanted Pickle I ever saw was in middle school. I was 11-years-old and my 6th grade teacher had an awful smoking habit. She left us alone in the classroom several times a day, which was when the boys took over. Most of them (I can’t honestly remember if it was ALL of them) would whip out their pickles as soon as she shut the door, and dance around the classroom. We, the girls, would cover our eyes or bury our faces in books to try to block it out, while the helicopter dance played out around us. I remember one young man skirting disaster after laying his pickle on my friend’s desk. She had a hefty textbook nearby and tried to smash that mini-gherkin, but he got out of the way just in time. This Lord of the Flies display went on for a few days before someone finally told on them. It led to a separation of the boys and girls for a “What IS and IS NOT Appropriate” discussion, but that was about it. I don’t remember any of the boys getting into trouble and the whole situation eventually went away. I never even talked about it with my classmates after that. Most of those boys grew up to be good guys, and some were even my friends. Continue reading →

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MOVIE REVIEW PODCAST: “Spectre,” “Trumbo” & “The Peanuts Movie”

I had so many great movies to review this week, that I decided to go ahead and record a podcast with all 3 of them. I’ve also got a rundown of what’s coming up next week AND all the free movie passes I’m giving away on my website. ENJOY!

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MOVIE REVIEW: Bryan Cranston Channels “Trumbo”

It’s hard for me to tell if I love a movie that Bryan Cranston is in or if I just love Bryan Cranston. I’ve adored that man for years, even as the tighty-whitey Dad on Malcolm in the Middle. That’s part of the reason I’m struggling to review the movie Trumbo. Cranston is in every scene, hunching his shoulders, smoking cigarettes and sputtering lines that only he could get away with. He doesn’t steal the show because he IS the show and at times, it’s distracting.

Bryan Cranston plays Dalton Trumbo, a Hollywood screenwriter who was blacklisted in the 1940’s for being a Communist. He and other writers, known as The Hollywood 10, were banished (Trumbo even did jail time) and forced to write under pseudonyms to make money. That is when Trumbo penned 2 Oscar winning films, and under different names. Continue reading →