Breast Health

ODE TO MAMMOGRAMS: The Good Ol’ Lean & Squish

I made a routine trip to the doctor today and it reminded me of a not-so-routine-trip a few years ago.

See, I had scheduled a mammogram after finding a lump and was very apprehensive about the appointment. For the record, this is a common thing for me because my boobs are like 2 fun-sized bags of Reese’s Pieces. I’ve been berated for years now by one nurse who claims this odd condition is a result of my coffee addiction. I’m a dedicated junkie though so NO, I won’t be dropping that habit any time soon. Plus, this particular nurse has a wonderful Jamaican accent so I sort of like to hear her bitch at me anyway.

This lump felt different though and a 10-foot-deep pit of dread had settled in my stomach. I walked in for my mammogram that day CONVINCED bad news awaited. In my mind, bagpipes were playing as I disrobed and not the fun, drunk kind you hear on St. Patrick’s Day. My favorite nurse was there and she gave me the usual lecture, but even SHE seemed a bit reserved. The doctor decided he should get a better look with the (deep breath here) sonogram, just to be safe. Continue reading →


Life Lessons From Boudoir Photos (Courtesy of My Secret Facebook Group)

I haven’t mentioned My Secret Facebook Group in a while because…well, everyone’s been going through Hell. We’ve had multiple divorces, loads of ill and ornery parents and countless belligerent children. The members of this group have spent far more time lifting each other up than sharing dirty stories lately and for that, I am grateful. Of course, someone always works in a juicy tidbit and this week, it was Marci.

Marci isn’t her real name but what’s a Secret Facebook Group if I’m giving up people’s identities? Anyhow, Marci decided she wanted to have some Boudoir Photos made. Evidently, a photographer-friend of hers asked if she’d be interested and she decided that YES, it sounded just dandy. Well, the rest of us did a spit-take with our Moscow Mules because we are mostly over-40 Moms. We’d rather get a weekly pap-smear than pose naked in front of a photographer, but OF COURSE we encouraged Marci to do so. The thought of someone else taking Boudoir Photos is insanely sexy (“Draw me like one of your French girls, Jack”) and we are, after all, huge fans of dirty pictures. So, we followed Marci’s journey of waxing and exfoliating until the big day.

Which was yesterday.

Marci got naked and let a man who isn’t her husband snap photos of her, but she also had an epiphany. Like all great epiphanies, she struggled to put it into words so I’m just going to post her comments here: Continue reading →