MOVIE REVIEW: “Blair Witch” I Don’t Know How to Review This Movie

Nothing ruins a horror flick faster for me than hearing someone say, “Scariest movie EVER!”

Because it automatically isn’t.

Once you tell me a movie is going to scare the crap out of me, my expectations get too high for that to be possible anymore. That’s why I’m struggling to review the new Blair Witch movie. I don’t want to oversell it, and to be honest, I don’t fully understand why it got to me the way it did. I mean, you and I both already know the story, right? If you’ve seen the first movie, you know exactly what’s going to happen when they start searching those woods. You even know that they’re going to get lost, and where they’ll eventually end up. Sure, there are a few changes, like the addition of wearable cameras and drones, which makes the Black Hills Forest feel like any other hike you’d take. There’s also a stronger and more likable cast, except for Lane and Talia. Oh, you’re going to HATE those two, but it’s okay. You’re supposed to.

Despite these minor tweaks, this Blair Witch is almost exactly like The Blair Witch Project of 1999, until the last twenty minutes. That’s when it started looking like some of my very worst nightmares. It’s also when I screamed so hard that my movie buddy started laughing at me.

So I can’t really tell you why Blair Witch scared the bejeezus out of me, because I don’t understand it myself. Furthermore, I don’t want to elevate anyone’s expectations and ruin your chance of being scared, too. So, I’ll just say this: Blair Witch is a movie that’s much like the The Blair Witch Project of 1999. If you enjoyed the first, you’ll enjoy this one as well. And is it scary? Oh, I don’t know. Just go see it and decide for yourself.
B+

FREE MOVIE PASSES: See “Blair Witch” ON ME!

Can we all take a minute to pretend that the awful Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows movie never came out? Seriously? Can we go back to a world where the original Blair Witch Project scared the bejeezus out of everyone and no one would even think of rolling their eyes about a new Blair Witch movie?

Because that’s the world we’re living in today, my friend.

Director Adam Wingard, who helmed the fantastic You’re Next in 2011, has taken the reigns of Blair Witch and helped that nasty witch find her fangs again. Everyone who has seen it is raving about it and, best of all, I have passes to see Blair Witch EARLY and FOR FREE. Just click HERE to snag those, then watch the trailer below. Oh man, they even brought back those freaky straw figures!

MOVIE REVIEW: “The Witch” (& The Dreaded Curse of High Expectations)

It was the summer of 1999, when I saw The Blair Witch Project for the very first time. I remember standing in line to buy tickets with a friend, and how nervous we were. There’s nothing better than a movie that’s so scary, you’re actually scared to see it. We bought our tickets and curled up in our seats, just waiting to be terrified.

Our disappointment was deafening.

Not only was The Blair Witch Project not scary, they never even bothered to show us the witch! I was so mad when I left the theater that day, but a strange thing happened. I watched the very same movie months later and it scared the crap out of me. That’s because high expectations can ruin an experience, and they can suck the “scary” out of almost any scary movie.

I tried to keep my expectations low for The Witch. I heard conflicting reports about just how scary it was. Critics ran from the theater screaming “Scariest movie EVER,” when it was screened at Sundance last year, but just as many came out shaking their heads in disappointment. I was aware of all of this and knew I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but they ran amok anyway. Continue reading →