Why Am I’m Hiding in the LA Fitness Parking Lot?

I’m writing this from the parking lot of a gym near my house. I’m hiding out here because I don’t want to be home when the woman who cleans our house gets her “Your Services Are No Longer Needed” note. Yes, I am firing her via note and I feel absolutely terrible about it. I LOVE this woman and so do my kids. They got all weepy when I told them we had to part ways with her. That’s not why I’m dodging her though. I know I can’t be there to tell her in person because she just won’t LET me. I tried to let her go 3 months ago and she talked me into keeping her this long. She’s magic that way. If I don’t just give her a note she’ll be here¬†another six months and I can’t do that. I’m out of work and can’t justify NOT cleaning my own house anymore, no matter how much I hate vacuuming.

Furthermore, why should I pay someone to clean my house when I have perfectly capable CHILDREN? They’re pretty spoiled when it comes to housekeeping (just like their Mom). In fact, I asked the little one to help me clean the bathroom recently and she said, “Fine, but I’m not touching the toilets.” REALLY? See, I was going to make her sister clean the toilets but THAT changed my mind. I also asked her to wipe down the bathroom counter with Clorox Wipes and she acted like I was trying to poison her.

“What is on these wipes? They smell dangerous. What if I accidentally get it in my eyes or my mouth?”

I don’t know. I guess it would burn…or temporarily cause you to see dead people. See, it’s been so long since I’ve cleaned my own house that I don’t really know WHAT this stuff is anymore. I was looking at the wood floors in our kitchen, totally mystified as to how to clean them. I mean, if I mop them won’t that warp the wood? Should I ask our housecleaner? No, because then I’d have to talk to her and soon she’d be cleaning it for me.

I know how ridiculous all of this sounds and I’m not proud. I’ve been letting someone else clean my house for so long that I’ve forgotten HOW. PLUS,¬†I’m too much of a chicken to PERSONALLY tell this woman she no longer works for us.

I, for the lack of a better word, suck.

So here I sit in the LA Fitness Center parking lot, hiding out until she leaves. Oh, wait a minute. How will I get my house key back? Damn it!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *